Coma ( ENG Version )

 COMA

Am I life ?

Am I real ?

Where is it ?

It’s not my world, My home, because I’m alone.

No body can see me.

Why people can’t see me ?

I always talk with people who stay near me, but they can’t hear my voice

I tried to hold their hand, but I can’t feel it

          Many Years, I lived in these conditions,  No one couldn’t see me. For many years, I lived alone without someone who wanted to hear my word. Every day, after I wake up, I always in a different place than before. They spook with different language, but strangely enough. I always understand their language. I knew their talking about, I knew that she sad or he happy.  

I never even know that language before, I think. What kind of case that applies to me? I want to shout, I want to protest, I need the answer. Why I am here ?

At noon, I walked in downtown Neiji, then I stood among the people who walked. The sun was intense, but I couldn’t even distinguish between hot and cold. I walked against the current without cheer. I kept going, kept going, and kept going. Until I found myself entering the park of a person’s home. This House was so huge. I gazed around.  I was so amazed, until there was a girl who ran past me.

 “ Anna, Wait! ”, a man who ran after the girl shouted.

I saw him running towards me. I looked at him, he was no stranger to me. Everyone was familiar for m . Yes, because I was stranger. He Stopped. He looked at me. I looked at him, He looked at me too. This was so strange.

“  You? Why can you here ? ”,that man asked suddenly. I looked his eyes as glazed as there was a sense of relief in his eyes. I was confused with his reaction. Could he saw me? Whether the question was for me ?

 “ Do you talk to me ? ”, I asked him, because I really didn’t believe this situation.

“ Of course! No person other than yourself ”,that man said.

 “ Really? Uhm... Am I real ? ”, I asked him again.

That man walked toward me. He stood right in front of me, maybe we just within 1 or 2 meters. He kept looking at me. I awkwardly, I didn’t know what I had to do, now. Happy or afraid ? because he was the first person who could saw me.

 “ You are freak! I ask you, you ask me again without answer my question ”, asked that man.

“ I... I just shock. You are the first  ”,  I said.

“ Hahahaha... that’s funny. You may get a summer fever. No wonder you say chaotic from earlier ”, Said that man.

“ I don’t know what is right, but I’m not human as you. I live in shadow. I’m shadow. I’m not be a real human ”, I said.

“ Woah! Maybe you are getting lost. Maybe you are alien that come from another world. I will help you, I will call the police for you. They will help you for get out from this confusion ”,  said that man who pulled out his smartphone from his pocket in his trouser. After that, he touched the screen of his smartphone.

 “ It is useless, you just make yourself be ridicule. I told you, I’m not real. I just shadow. People can’t see me. I really shock when you talked to me. Trust me! Please! ”,  I tried to convince him.

 “ Are you crazy? Don’t fool me! ”, that man asked me to follow him. For the first, I rejected, but he was so adamant. Yes, I followed him. He took me to the street near his house.

 “ Excuse me, I want to ask you. Do you see a woman who stands beside me ? ”, asked that man to  an old woman.

“ I see nothing ”, An old woman said.

“ Are you sure? She stands beside me ”, said that man who pointed me.

“ I didn’t see woman or human beside you, sir. Maybe you wrong, Maybe you miss it.  No one except us here, be patient, son! ”, an old woman said as she held that man’s face. He still didn’t believe this. Then he ran and I followed him. We met a boy who used headset.

“ Sorry for disturb you? ”, the man said.

“ What the hell is that?  Who are you? ”,  the boy said. He looked angry. He took off his headset.

“ Can you see a woman who standing next ? ”, said that man. He pointed me, again. That boy looked at me but he was not aware of my existence. After that, he used his headset again. He laughed a lot.

“ Go to the doctor, Mr! Or better to psychiatrist. Apparently you were not healthy ”, said that boy who left us.

“ Hoi! Keep your tongue. I just asked about the woman beside me ”, shouted this man. Because he shouted loudly, that boy came back to us.

 “ Hey! There was no one, there. Don’t be silly! ”, said that boy mocking him.

 “ I don’t believe it! This is crazy! It doesn’t make sense! ”, said that man. Then he came over to me and tried to hold my hand but pierced his hand. He looked so surprised.

“ I told you, isn’t it ? I’m not human. I just shadow ”,  I said sadly.

“ No! I’m sure, You are human. You have eyes, nose, Your gorgeous hair straggling and wearing human clothes ”, the man said assured me.

“ But this is the truth, No one can see me except you, of course. For many years, alone in the dark. I have been accustomed ”,  I said shudder.

That man was silent, he didn’t respond my words just now. He just asked me to follow him to come home. He let me in. I looked at the ceiling of his house, so high with classic ornaments typical medieval.  Yellow and brown dominate the color of this room. I followed him, down the hall. I saw a big family photo. I looked that photo. A woman sat with a lap a girl aged to 4 or 5 years, while her husband stood on the right side of her. That woman used a beautiful knee-length white dress, her hair neatly rolled up while her husband use light sea blue shirt as same color as the drees which used their child. They look so happy.

“ She is beautiful!  isn’t it ? ”, I praised her.

“ First she is beautiful now no longer ”, said that man casually.

“ Hey, Hey! What do you mean? She is your wife, isn’t it? ”,  I peeved.

“ That’s right! She is my wife, but she is nefarious. She left me with Anna, our lovely child. Every day, Anna ask her whereabouts but she never come back ”, said that man looked me sadly.

 “ What do you mean ? ”, I confused.

“ You can’t even remember it, right ? ”, that man said.

He was really strange. He looked me with great emotion, anger, and sadness but I could felt the tremendous joy of it. I wanted to ask him about his mind, his react, and so on. I wanted to ease the burden which he held during this. But who am I?

 “ Remember what ? even we only met a few hours ago ”,  I confused.

After that, a girl ran towards him and hug him. I looked around, I saw a black piano with some photos displayed on it. I saw a picture of a woman who holding her child at the seaside. I looked at the woman’s face, somehow I felt “ nostalgia” as if I’ve experienced the same thing as in photo.

I looked her face again, She looked like me. The black straight hair, the blue eyes, even existing mole under the right lip exactly, like me. Wait... Maybe...

“ Ar... Are you James Scott ? Is she Annabeth Scott ? ”, I asked him suddenly.

He held her daughter who felt a slept. “ You right! It’s us. Are you remember us, now? I’m so grateful ”, He said sadly.

“ No! It’s impossible! I even just met you today, How possible it is, you are my husband and she is my daughter. For many years, I don’t remember you.  God knows what happened after seeing the photo, look closely at her face, the memory was coming and went to my head ”,  I said with billion confusion.

“ I.. I’m... I’m sorry, Lucy! ”, kata James.

“ It is wrong! I differ with you. I’m not human like you! ”,  I shouted.

“ Mommy? I miss you. Mommy! “, Anna in a dilirious cries.

“ I’m here, my litle angel. I’m here... I’m sorry ”,  I didn’t believe this. I felt so sad. I felt so loss. I realized that I would not be with them again. I realized, maybe my existence now is because of this.

After Ana lay in her bed, James and I out from her room.  We sat on sofa. We didn’t talk even just a word until the time past so fast. Less than 30 minutes before midnight, in other words less than 30 minutes I would moved to another place and left them again.

“ I don’t have much time, James. Just as daybreak, that’s when I will go and disapear. I will be in another place that I don’t know. Forgive me for leaving you and Anna, again. I don’t know how long this will continue or maybe finish ”,  I cried.

“ Mommy? ”, I looked Anna out from her room. She saw me.

 “ Mommy! ”, Anna shouted.  After that, she ran towards me and hug me. She could hug me. I can felt her touched. How could it be? Was this a sign? James hug me immediately. I hear his sob. I felt so sad. I didn’t want to go and left them. I... I... I want to stay here with them. Just with them.

 “ I love you, Lucy. You always be my woman, my wife, and mother from my kids. For a moment, I always think about you. I miss you so much. Please, Don’t go! Please!  ”, James whispered to me.

 “ I’m Sorry. I’m Sorry. I’m Sorry ”, only that word I could said.

 “ Don’t go, Mom! Don’t leave us, Mom! Please! ”, Ana whined. I hug her tighly, closely.

Is this the scenario that you made for me, God? I felt sadness and happiness cursory until I couldn’t felt that sense but Now, You shake my feelings again. I didn’t wanted to part from them, I loved them. I didn’t wanted to leave them. I still want to continued my life with them.

 God! Was my ask, my hope, so selfish ? Was I too greedy for the blessings that had been you give? I just wanted with them, forever.

“ Mommy? Mommy! ”, The litle cried wake me up.

“ Anna! “,  I said with a big smile.

“ Mommy! ”, Anna hug me.

“ I know you are going to wake up. I believe it. Thank you! ”, said James who hold my hand.

“ I love you, too James ”,  I said. I was so grateful because I could be with my family.

Thank you, God. You give me one chance. Thank you....